When you look at a tree, what do you see? You can see branches, leaves, fruits, flowers etc. however, you may miss the strong long roots beneath the earth. We also have roots just like trees. Usually, the way we behave, think and feel is similar to our parents and elder members behave and feel. Therefore, it has a strong connection with our root-like parents and other family members. Since our childhood, we have learned many behaviors (e.g. gestures, postures, facial expressions, tone etc.) from our parents or parental figures. For example, in adult life we show our responses unconsciously to any stressful or happy situations in the same way we saw our parents responded. Sometimes, our inherited communication patterns rooted to some unusual events that may cause enormous undesirable effects in our present and future life. Eric Berne (1950s-1960s) named this paradigm as Transactional Analysis (TA). Transactional Analysis is a psychoanalytic theory whereas social transactions are analyzed to determine the ego states of a person. According to TA, we all have three ego states - Parent, Adult and Child. When we communicate with others, we usually communicate from these three ego states and change the state depending on the situation. For the reflection of our own self, these three ego states briefly explained in the figure below:
Among these three ego states, Adult is the most conscious and healthy state where responses are not based on the past. Therefore, with our Adult, we can change our patterns of communication and thus minimize the negative impact of our inherited pattern. We can update ourselves through gathering data, analyzing merits-demerits, asking questions and clarifying the things, thinking logically, and taking responsibility based on our ability. Hence, through transformed patterns we can make an effective and healthy communication with others and live a healthier life.
SANJIDA AFROZ, www.sanjida.psybd.com
Mental Health Counselor, Certified NLP Master Practitioner &Trainer
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